Psychology Today61%
4 Signs Your Partner's Crush Could Turn Serious 35%
By Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD48% ABPP52%
8/1/2026, 7:27:07 AM
BS Summary: This article contains 33 faulty reasoning types, including Optimism Bias, Hasty Generalization, and Ambiguity (Equivocation), with Negativity Bias as the most egregious example at 18.9% saturation with 217 hits. Analysis detected 1,760 faulty-reasoning hits from 1,147 analyzed words, generating a BS Score of 37.6% and a BS Rank of 35% (16,607 of 25,473 articles). This article is better (less manipulative) than 65.20% of the article peer group.
Long-term committed relationships are built on the bedrock of fidelity.
Yet even the best of committed partners can fall prey to the occasional crush on a third person.
Nora considers herself to be totally in love with her partner, Aiden, and vice versa.
It therefore took her completely by surprise to come across a text chain between Aiden and a phone number that had no name attached to it.
The texts contained what Nora considered to be blatant expressions of attraction and, worse, an exchange involving possible times to meet.
When Nora confronted Aiden about this, all she got in response was that this was an innocent fling that had run its course.
However, Nora wasn’t all that convinced.
As she weighs the pros and cons of ending it with Aiden, she wonders if maybe she should just let this go as a passing fancy.
## The Psychology of Crushes
According to new research by University of New Brunswick’s Charlene Belu and Lucia O’Sullivan (2026), Aiden’s behavior could serve to threaten the stability of their relationship.
An “extradyadic attraction” (i.e., a crush) is relatively common.
However, the research in the field has not kept pace with the frequency of this type of relationship threat.
One of the key features determining whether a person will develop a crush is the attractiveness of that other person.
There is an “attentional bias” toward attractive people that is difficult for anyone to suppress.
Clearly, though, not everyone goes from attention to crush.
This is where individual differences come into play.
Regardless of whether they’re in a relationship or not, some people seem almost programmed to divert their attention to these attractive alternatives.
The only saving grace that could keep a threatened relationship alive is that the crush might just be entertainment or escape.
Maybe it’s true that Aiden was only looking for amusement rather than a serious alternative to Nora.
Explaining all of this is the “investment model,” a theory proposing that the interdependence partners have on each other is a function of each one’s analysis of the costs and benefits of the relationship.
A couple will commit to each other if they believe that the benefits outweigh the costs and if they each feel satisfied in the relationship.
Commitment will suffer, though, to the extent that one feels attracted to an alternative partner.
But it’s a two-way street.
People who are high in commitment are less likely to cheat or develop crushes.
## The Four Predictors of Cheating With a Crush
Putting this altogether in one predictive model, the U.
New Brunswick authors identified four potential factors that can increase the propensity to cheat.
Based on the questionnaires the authors used, they are as follows:
**Cheating Factor #1: Investment**
Per the investment model, people who feel they have put a great deal into their relationship that they would lose if the relationship ended should be less likely to be drawn to an attractive alternative.
**Cheating Factor #2: Relationship satisfaction**
Believing that their relationship is strong will make people less likely to cheat as they feel more positively than negatively about their relationship.
**Cheating Factor #3: Sexual satisfaction**
The components of sexual satisfaction that lessen the likelihood of cheating are seeing this aspect of the relationship as pleasant, valuable, and rewarding.
**Cheating Factor #4: Quality of alternatives**
Here is where that attractiveness factor enters into the equation.
If alternatives seem attractive to the individual, then it’s more likely that cheating will occur.
Using a sample of 542 adults in long-term committed relationships, of whom 358 were followed four months later, Belu and O’Sullivan used these four factors, moderated by reports of attraction to alternative partners (desire for physical intimacy and flirting) and perceptions of opportunity for cheating, to predict commitment, which, in turn, predicted whether the relationship survived.
Turning to the results, almost half of the sample reported that they had an exclusivity arrangement with their partner.
However, past attraction to an alternative partner was common.
These results might surprise you: 34 percent reported attraction to one, 24 percent to two, 15 percent to three, and 27 percent to four or more alternative partners.
At present, half the sample were attracted to no less than two alternative partners.
Perhaps not so surprisingly, two-thirds reported that their partner was unaware of this attraction.
These crushes were hardly brief flings.
Participants reported knowing their crush for two years and being attracted to them for at least one year.
Probably the only good news in all of this, from the standpoint of the partner, is that they were unlikely to know about this (80 percent did not), and in most cases (59 percent), the targets of the crush were unaware of the intensity of the feelings held toward them.
Also, luckily for the partner, 90 percent of those admitting to a crush didn’t actually have sex with them.
## So, Will Your Partner Cheat?
As you sort through these daunting statistics, you’re likely wondering what they mean for you.
The good news is that in the overall model, relationship satisfaction strongly predicted commitment, which, in turn, predicted relationship stability.
Adding attraction intensity to the model as prediction of the desire to cheat proved to have no impact; more good news.
Also, as the authors concluded, “very few people engaged romantically or sexually with their attractive alternative.”
The not-so-good news is that the stronger the attraction to the alternative, the higher the rated quality of that alternative, but strangely enough, not dependent on perceiving the opportunity to connect with the crush.
Overall, though, the findings were taken by the authors to suggest that “crush experiences” have a “benign negative impact” on relationships.
Crushes are not completely benign, however.
If an alternative seems attractive, the relationship is of poor quality, and there is little investment in the relationship, then low commitment and breakups may ensue.
You are probably on the safe side, then, even if you let your mind wander to an attractive alternative or, unbeknownst to you, your partner does.
Even so, the Belu and O’Sullivan study has implications for keeping a crush from turning into a problem.
Because attraction to an alternative is so common, and perhaps more common for some people than others, it’s important to acknowledge rather than deny their existence.
Instead, working on the factors that promote commitment, particularly relationship satisfaction, is your best bet.
Toward this end, Nora and Aiden can have a future together if they’re each willing to address the possible threat represented by that seemingly innocent crush.
**To sum up**, as the authors concluded, it’s important to identify possible “tripwires” that result in a crush becoming an attractive alternative.
Fulfillment in a monogamous relationship is possible, even when one partner has a crush, as long as both are willing to work on keeping that relationship as satisfying as possible.
Analysis
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