Most people assume that the hardest parts of becoming a mother end around the one-year mark. By then, your baby is usually sleeping a little more. The checkups slow down. Your friends stop asking how you’re doing as often. There’s an unspoken belief that by your child’s first birthday, you should feel like yourself again.

But becoming a mother doesn’t fit into a neat, organized timeline. This process is called matrescence, and for many mothers, it continues long after the first birthday.

What Is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the developmental and psychological experience of becoming a mother. It involves identity shifts, relationship changes, and acclimating to new routines. There are also hormonal and physical changes and professional identity shifts that occur. Think of it like adolescence, another developmental period involving profound physical and emotional changes, but for motherhood. Just like adolescence, becoming a mother doesn’t happen overnight.

The term matrescence was actually coined decades ago by anthropologist Dana Raphael. But it’s only in the last few years that it has become mainstream, with doctors, therapists, and mothers themselves talking about it more openly.

Why We Think Matrescence Ends at 12 Months

There are reasons why so many people assume that the postpartum period ends at the one-year mark. Mothers are often told that they are “medically cleared” at six weeks postpartum and are not asked to return for any follow-up visits. Mental health screenings also occur within a short window of time, resulting in the false belief that because screening has stopped, the mother must be okay. And culturally, there’s a false message that you’ll feel like yourself again once you get through that first year.

But this timeline was not constructed with a new mother’s psychology in mind. It was built around what fits neatly into a medical system. The reality is that becoming a mother reshapes a person in ways that often take much longer than a year to settle in.

What Matrescence Can Look Like After Year One

Mastrescence doesn’t stop just because you’ve reached the first-year milestone. It keeps happening and showing up in ways such as:

* Still grieving the person you were before having a baby, even years later. * Waves of sadness or anxiety around big milestones, like weaning from breastfeeding, your child starting school, or having another baby. * Shifts in relationships, career, and marriage that continue over time. * Struggling with your sense of purpose or identity as your child becomes older and more independent.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. It means that matrescence is happening and taking the time it needs.

What Matrescene Is Not

Matrescence is not a mental health condition. It’s a developmental experience. It’s common to experience mental health symptoms as you go through matrescence, and the two can often overlap.

While matrescence involves leaning into the transformation that's occurring, if you are experiencing persistent sadness, worry, intrusive thoughts, or rage, you should not ignore these signs. They could indicate a perinatal mental health condition (i.e., a mental health disorder that occurs during pregnancy or the first year postpartum). Perinatal mental health conditions respond well to treatment, so delaying help is not recommended.

Why Matrescence Matters

When we only talk about struggles in the first year, it sends the false message that anything after that must mean something else is wrong. This can leave mothers feeling confused, ashamed, or alone when hard feelings continue to show up two or three years down the road.

Naming a longer timeline for matrescence gives people permission to ask for support without feeling like they missed their window. A mother struggling with her identity three years after having a baby needs support and understanding just as much as a mother struggling three months after giving birth.

How to Support Yourself (or Someone Else) Through Matrescence

If you’re still figuring things out well past your baby’s first birthday, here are a few tips that can help ease the transition:

* Give yourself permission to still be adjusting, even years later. There’s no deadline for finding yourself as a mother. Remove the pressure to “bounce back” or have it all figured out by an arbitrary deadline. * Find a therapist who understands matrescence as an ongoing process. Speaking with a therapist who is trained in perinatal mental health can provide a safe space to process what you are going through without judgment. * Watch for major life changes, which can bring about new waves of feelings. Things like weaning, going back to work, a new pregnancy, or watching your child reach a milestone, are all moments that can trigger deeper feelings. Reminding yourself that this is normal and giving yourself the space to adjust can be incredibly helpful. * Talk about it. Remember that identity shifts in motherhood don’t happen all at once. They occur again and again, and in new ways, as your child gets older.

The process of becoming a mother doesn’t magically end at one year. It’s an ongoing process that unfolds over time and continues to shape who you are for years to come.

If you’re still figuring out who you are as a mother, even long after your child’s first birthday, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. You’re a human experiencing a pivotal developmental process.